Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Parenting and the Principal

Very REAL Life, Part I

I need to tell you about my life as principal.
Particularly from the standpoint of this life as husband, dad and foster/adoptive parent.
And the daughter I have who is sitting in prison.

It is the winter of 2009.  I had just been accepted into the Doctoral program at National Louis University, and was heading to an informational meeting about the program when my wife called.  I was pulling into the high school where our cohort would be spending a lot of class hours together over the next few years, excited about this journey my family had agreed was the best time for me to embark upon, even more ecstatic to be the first in my family to achieve this prestigious degree.

We didn't realize the road I was about to travel was actually riddled with potholes, detours, wrong turns, and dead ends.

My wife can barely speak.
It seems like a lifetime, though it is actually 10 minutes on the phone with her,
trying to calm her down,
sitting in my Volvo with the engine turned off (why did I turn the engine off?),
cohort members filing in for our first meeting together,
my breath visible in the cold air that envelops me,
before she is finally able to tell me that our daughter was involved in something too horrific for words.

Someone has been murdered.
She was at the scene of the crime.
There would be a trial.
A public defender.
An outraged community.
And heartbreak.
There would be heartbreak.

As parents, you don't ever expect things like this.  Things that throw your life completely out of whack.  I mean, you know that things happen, that there is bound to be something in your life that, when it happens, will leave people reeling and trying to find answers and learning how to grieve and then finding their way again.

The problem with this was... well, the problem with this, was that she was our daughter.
And there were no answers.
At least, there were no answers that we were willing to accept.

And there was the problem with this very moment.
In the car.
On the phone.
And the rest of our children.
And this degree.
What do I do?
Do I cancel, put it off until the air clears?
Until things get... better?
Would things get better?








Saturday, June 9, 2018

Finally!

I am visited by two former Seniors on a recent Friday in early June.  They have been out of school for only a short time, having graduated three weeks prior.  We stay in touch because, well, that's one of the main reasons I am in this profession - to make a lasting difference in the lives of students.  But it's not only the students; it's their families as well.  I attend their graduation parties, keep up to date on their life happenings, I even recently attended the wedding and reception of one of my former students whom I had taught when he was in the 6th grade.  He's now 28.  

But this is what is required of this job.  We are in the business of making lasting impressions.  For anyone who doesn't believe this to be true, and that your only job as an educator is to impart knowledge and provide kids with information that they could just as easily find online, you are sorely mistaken.  I could easily insert here all of the research that proves, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that relationships matter and that students will learn more from you and remember more of the content you present them with if they actually like you and feel that you actually care about them, but this is not that post.

And if we are in the business of making lasting impressions, because we know what is true and right and good for all students, then we know that this is a human endeavor which requires things to be messy and take time and cause vulnerability in the process of developing close bonds. Why would kids want to listen to you if they don't trust you?  Why would parents back you up and support you if they don't believe you have their child's best interests in mind and at heart?  Sure, they don't have a choice but to send their children to school.  There are compulsory attendance laws people have to abide by.  But that doesn't mean that kids have to learn.

And I'm off track here, but make no apologies.  Two seniors.  Visiting me.  In my office on a recent Friday in June.  That's where we were.  I am not surprised that they are here.  I never am.  It's almost expected that they will come and visit.  And stay awhile.  Which they do.  And they start talking.

In the course of conversation (they stay for over two hours), I work on my laptop and finish cleaning my office.  I have two weeks of vacation coming up and we talk as I work.  They tell me what they have been up to, the adventures they have been on, how their families are doing (one has a brother who was seriously ill but is finally, after months of being bed-ridden and receiving homebound tutoring, on the mend; the other has a mother she hasn't seen in months and is hoping to be reunited with before she goes off to college in the Fall), and about their preparations for post-high school.  They are both going a large state university.  Different ones, and they talk about their plans for how they will continue to visit one another.  They've got it all figured out, down to how many miles and minutes it will take to get to one another on holidays and long weekends.

And one of them says something to me that strikes a chord, and here is where this story ends.  He says, after finishing a long, elaborate story of a recent weekend escapade in which he shares more than I really need to hear, "We're finally free, Dr. P.  We're finally able to enjoy life, Dr. P."

He doesn't realize that what he says will leave a lasting, burning impression on me, and I know that many kids feel the same way.  I recognize that many kids, upon graduating their Senior year, feel as if they own the world and are ready for "real life to begin."  I am pretty sure, looking back, that I probably felt the same way and lived it up for a while upon graduation.  I barely made it after all; I was definitely ready to be free of 6:00am wake-ups and cramming for tests and being surprised about pop quizzes and having to work on group projects with kids who didn't like me and the Dean's Office and taking the bus with its smell of hot plastic seat coverings forever etched into my nasal cavity... the list goes on.

I don't know what the point is, except to say that I know this high school experience.  I can feel this experience in my soul and remember it clearly to this day and how I felt most days.  And that one phrase, uttered by that one 18 year old upon having recently graduated: "We're finally able to enjoy life, Dr. P," will stick with me for a very long time.

And if it is as I think it is, then we are able to create a different experience for kids, write a very different narrative with kids, get to know them, love them, be vulnerable for them, and ask ourselves:

"What do we need to do TODAY to make sure that kids can't wait to come back TOMORROW."  What do we need to do TODAY to ensure that kids - during the school year, not once they've graduated - can feel that they are enjoying life.  That they don't need to wait until they graduate before real life can finally begin.












Friday, June 8, 2018

What is Learning... My Seriously-Rambling-Reflection-Because-It's-Too-Quiet-Around-Here-Post



I get lost in wondering.  I mean, really lost.  I wonder what happened to the year, I wonder what is going on with the world, I wonder what will become of the Seniors we just graduated, and I wonder about the future of public education and what it means, considering the ever-changing landscape that is the world of work.  Just to name a few things.

The school year is over; at least, for the students it is.  Having just completed my first year as principal of the local high school right down the street from my house (and the high school where my son attends, but that's another story), I have a lot of time to reflect.  I mean, now that the year is over and I can catch my breath for a while and wonder - not for the first time - "what ever are we doing?"

I have had the luxury and honor of serving as building principal at all three levels of public education: elementary, middle, and now high school.  This was the completion of my 16th year as a school administrator, and 21st year in the field of public education.  I am still as active as ever, still get excited over great new ideas, still the #1 cheerleader around the schoolhouse, still get told I have way too much energy at 6:30 in the morning, and am still wondering what in the hell we are doing most days.

Take summer vacation, for example.  This is a minor example, and doesn't encapsulate my current thoughts about the present year recently finished, but it really highlights some of my frustration and state of delirium over where we are at and where we really should be.  I will be the first one to tell you that I understand the value and benefits of recess, of unstructured play, of time off and weekends and holiday trips and extended time with family and friends.  I also knew the rewards of summer "down-time" to go exploring, camping, traveling, and learning.

Yes, even learning.
But right there is part of the problem.
And it's a big one.
It's where I get stuck.

Let me elaborate by breaking down my own summer vacations when I was a teenager.  My mom and dad were divorced.  My dad lived in California, as did my grandparents and my aunt - his parents and sister.  Summer was the only time my brother and I were able to see this part of our family, and couldn't wait until summer so that we could spend three solid weeks out in sunny CA.  It was the best time of our lives, what we looked forward to the most, and where we created the memories that will last a lifetime.

And I'm conflicted, because it was also the time when the most learning took place.  I'm conflicted because, for starters, I think having three months of summer vacation sends the message to kids that learning can take a short, sweet break over the months of June, July and August, and that soon enough "real schooling" will resume again.

And yet, the stuff I remember most came from my summer vacations with my brother and dad and grandparents out on the West Coast.

The stuff I remember the most.
I need to repeat that and let it sink in.
Why is that the stuff I remember the most?

What is it about school and "learning" and memory that causes a thing like summer vacation - three months of the year - to have a longer lasting impact on a life (in many cases, not all) than an academic year - nine months of the year.

I'm just reflecting here.  I realize perfectly well that what I've just done is conflict my own narrative.  And there's a perfectly good reason for this.  It's part of my summer wonderings and reflections and thoughts about the year and about education and where it takes place most powerfully and why we can't create that thing all year round.




Becoming Principal (Snippet #6)

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